Sometimes things seem like they are going ok until someone opens their mouth. With this, I am referring to the guy mentioned in my post of 23rd June. The one who wouldn't tell me about his job. As it turns out..for good reason.
He was from Essex and said he would come over to see me. I met him in a local pub. I pulled into the carpark and he was there. Flip flops, jeans. He looked quite nice, relaxed. He said 'hello'. Hold on...that didn't sound like an Essex accent to me and I should know, I am the definition of Essex.
It transpired that he actually comes from Barnsley and was living in Essex temporarily. I wish I could say I was pleasantly surprised, but to be frank, I thought he sounded like a farmer. I didn't realise that an accent could be so off putting. Shallow? I'm guilty, don't shoot me.
His 'job' was that he didn't actually have a job. You can imagine my face. He told me he was 'in between jobs'. Make of that what you will.
We went to dinner. He sat and bored me with talk of his sister's new baby, showing me photos on his phone. Oh dear! He sounded quite broody. It was at that point I started looking for the nearest exit. I decided to tell him about my job, to which he seemed quite interested. He stopped me mid flow..'is it ok if I go to the toilet?'. He actually asked me if he could go to the toilet. Who does that? School children? I'm surprised he never raised his hand to ask. What would he have done if I had said 'no'? I told him to 'go for it'.
While he was away from the table, I polished off the remainder of the prawn crackers and reflected on how much he had lied to me during our online text chat. He really had led me up the garden path and I wasn't impressed. He returned from the loo and sat back down, saying 'thanks for that'. For goodness sake, I'm not the toilet keeper. If you want to have a wee, please don't ask me if it's ok! It's just politeness gone mad.
To be honest, I couldn't wait to get home. He was a nice guy, but he wasn't being himself. He was being too perfect. Too polite. Too nice. Seemed like he was doing everything so I would think he was my ideal man.
What he failed to notice was that I am not a broody thirtysomething woman, I don't need to be treated with kid gloves and I respect people who go to work.
I find that sometimes men treat me like a Faberge Egg. A precious thing that needs to be put in a glass case and not disturbed or upset. You may think this is a nice way to be treated, but it's really annoying and it makes you feel like a little woman. Not an equal.
I texted him the next day and told him I didn't think we were right for each other. He very politely replied saying 'no hard feelings'. I do wish him all the best in his search for the mother of his future 'bayba', which I write phonetically, in his accent.
Next!...
Tuesday, 6 July 2010
Saturday, 26 June 2010
Mr Richard
After I had stopped laughing at this, I realised that Mr Richard had executed a very well thought out plan here. He aims to leave you hanging, with promise of some very important information..who knows what it might be! I must message him back immediately to find out.
Wednesday, 23 June 2010
Drunk and disorderly
There are some things to do on a first date. Buy the lady a drink, pay the lady a compliment, treat the lady with courtesy etc and so on. But there are also some things that are a definite no no.
For example, the date I had with the Scottish golfer. On the day, he texted me a few times, I think just to make sure I would still meet him. He was at the golf club and proposed we met at a pub in town half hour later than originally planned. No problem, as I had decided to walk and it gave me more time.
As I was nearing the street where the pub was, I could hear my phone ringing in my bag. It was him. The pub sounded busy in the background. The conversation went something like this:
Him: Hi, just wanted to tell you I'm at the bar when you come in
Me: OK I'm not far now, just at the top of the road
Him: Cool, er..don't be alarmed but I'm here with my friend and some other people
Me: sorry? are you saying you are in this pub with your mates?
Him: er...well...yes. my mate's girlfriend is meeting him up here later so he won't be around for long
Me: i see. well this is a bit embarrassing then..
Him: be a big girl and come in
Me: click...burrrrrrrr
I was tempted to turn around and go back, but instead I strolled up to the pub and opened the door. I scanned around. Remember I've only seen a couple of photos of this man on his dating profile. There was a sea of men's faces, all looking directly at me. Due to the football, I was one of only about five women in the place. When we had arranged this date, I had specifically said I wanted to go somewhere not showing the World Cup. I looked around and counted no less than five wide screen TVs showing the live match.
I found him and his mates at the bar. As soon as he started talking, I could tell he had been drinking for quite some time. A drunk Scotsman! Who would have thought it? I noticed that one of his friends at the bar was staring at me intently. Later I learned that he had winked at me a few times on the dating site, which I had obviously ignored. Please be aware that people do recognise you from dating sites, it's happened to me a few times.
We left his gaggle of friends and went out into the beer garden to talk, it appeared to be going OK. He was getting more and more drunk though, whereas I was pretty much sober. He was becoming extremely difficult to understand too.
He decided he wanted to go to another pub, so we said our goodbyes to his charming pub mates and got outside. He was literally hanging off my shoulder. He asked if he could kiss me. I said no.
We zig-zagged up the hill to the pub, with me keeping him upright and gravity fighting me at every step. When we eventually arrived, I opened the door and was faced with a scene that I can only describe as like being on the set of the film 'Cocoon'. There were about 10 very old people, throwing some serious shapes to a band that was just one long-haired bloke with a guitar.
Me and my extremely drunk and incoherent date bought some drinks and sat outside. He kept slurring and I kept having to say 'what?'. Thankfully, before long, the barman came out to tell us to drink up as they were closing. So, in his wisdom, my Scottish friend thought it would be a good idea to tell the barman to fuck off.
He got barred. I went home.
A lesson is to be learned here. Don't drink too much on a first date, don't invite your friends along and definitely don't get yourself barred from a pub for being abusive. Call me fussy, but it just doesn't set a good first impression..
For example, the date I had with the Scottish golfer. On the day, he texted me a few times, I think just to make sure I would still meet him. He was at the golf club and proposed we met at a pub in town half hour later than originally planned. No problem, as I had decided to walk and it gave me more time.
As I was nearing the street where the pub was, I could hear my phone ringing in my bag. It was him. The pub sounded busy in the background. The conversation went something like this:
Him: Hi, just wanted to tell you I'm at the bar when you come in
Me: OK I'm not far now, just at the top of the road
Him: Cool, er..don't be alarmed but I'm here with my friend and some other people
Me: sorry? are you saying you are in this pub with your mates?
Him: er...well...yes. my mate's girlfriend is meeting him up here later so he won't be around for long
Me: i see. well this is a bit embarrassing then..
Him: be a big girl and come in
Me: click...burrrrrrrr
I was tempted to turn around and go back, but instead I strolled up to the pub and opened the door. I scanned around. Remember I've only seen a couple of photos of this man on his dating profile. There was a sea of men's faces, all looking directly at me. Due to the football, I was one of only about five women in the place. When we had arranged this date, I had specifically said I wanted to go somewhere not showing the World Cup. I looked around and counted no less than five wide screen TVs showing the live match.
I found him and his mates at the bar. As soon as he started talking, I could tell he had been drinking for quite some time. A drunk Scotsman! Who would have thought it? I noticed that one of his friends at the bar was staring at me intently. Later I learned that he had winked at me a few times on the dating site, which I had obviously ignored. Please be aware that people do recognise you from dating sites, it's happened to me a few times.
We left his gaggle of friends and went out into the beer garden to talk, it appeared to be going OK. He was getting more and more drunk though, whereas I was pretty much sober. He was becoming extremely difficult to understand too.
He decided he wanted to go to another pub, so we said our goodbyes to his charming pub mates and got outside. He was literally hanging off my shoulder. He asked if he could kiss me. I said no.
We zig-zagged up the hill to the pub, with me keeping him upright and gravity fighting me at every step. When we eventually arrived, I opened the door and was faced with a scene that I can only describe as like being on the set of the film 'Cocoon'. There were about 10 very old people, throwing some serious shapes to a band that was just one long-haired bloke with a guitar.
Me and my extremely drunk and incoherent date bought some drinks and sat outside. He kept slurring and I kept having to say 'what?'. Thankfully, before long, the barman came out to tell us to drink up as they were closing. So, in his wisdom, my Scottish friend thought it would be a good idea to tell the barman to fuck off.
He got barred. I went home.
A lesson is to be learned here. Don't drink too much on a first date, don't invite your friends along and definitely don't get yourself barred from a pub for being abusive. Call me fussy, but it just doesn't set a good first impression..
Sunday, 20 June 2010
Good question
Here's a short note from an american admirer called Peacemaker. In answer to his question, I really don't know why, but it isn't because there are no men around. There are many men but it would appear that appreciative ones are over 3000 miles away...damn!
Saturday, 19 June 2010
Like buses
To be honest, it's pretty boring being me at the moment. The gorgeous bloke I winked at in the week didn't respond..imagine my surprise! No doubt he got a better offer, he was far too attractive..he must have been flooded with messages from the cream of the online dating crop.
I was wallowing in self pity, flicking through pages of ungainly looking men when I received a wink from a guy who lives in Essex. He looked quite nice in his photos and his profile was spelling mistake free so I decided to wink back and he sent a message - the patented Wink Etiquette System (WES) working to its full potential!
As my mood was a little gung ho, I suggested we swap numbers straight away. This isn't normally the way I operate, but like I said, I was bored and needed some mischief to entertain me. He texted me shortly after and we arranged that we would have a date on Monday.
He has been really cagey about his job. I asked him what he did and he said that it was 'top secret' and that he would tell me when we meet in person. From texts back and forth, I have collected some clues:
1) he has travelled a lot on the roads around the UK
2) he doesn't get compliments in his 'environment'
3) he trains in Aikido
4) he runs
5) he doesn't appear to work normal hours
We can cross off policeman, bouncer and bodyguard as he has already denied being one of these. I have discussed these clues at length with a friend and we have come up with:
1) a spy in the MI5
2) works on an oil rig
3) urban hygienist
4) cage fighter
5) a magician in the magic circle
6) a lottery winner
It's probably none of the above but I only have until Monday to find out! He is coming to me from quite far away and taking me out for a meal. Should be interesting and I am really looking forward to it. He has intrigued me.
But, there is second guy...I've been proactive this weekend! I first chatted to him online a couple of weeks ago and he has been pestering me for a date ever since. Today I relented and texted him to tell him I was up for it.
He is scottish, plays golf and competes in triathlon. Sounds fit. I like that. Quite hard to understand on the phone, I struggled with his accent. Very broad considering he has lived in the south for some years, but I don't mind it. I'm used to a dodgy accent, I have an irish mother!
I've arranged to meet this guy tomorrow evening for a drink. He is a bit older than me but I like his style and he sounds like a deep conversationalist, which floats my boat totally.
So, two days. two dates. I've doubled the dose for extra relief..
I was wallowing in self pity, flicking through pages of ungainly looking men when I received a wink from a guy who lives in Essex. He looked quite nice in his photos and his profile was spelling mistake free so I decided to wink back and he sent a message - the patented Wink Etiquette System (WES) working to its full potential!
As my mood was a little gung ho, I suggested we swap numbers straight away. This isn't normally the way I operate, but like I said, I was bored and needed some mischief to entertain me. He texted me shortly after and we arranged that we would have a date on Monday.
He has been really cagey about his job. I asked him what he did and he said that it was 'top secret' and that he would tell me when we meet in person. From texts back and forth, I have collected some clues:
1) he has travelled a lot on the roads around the UK
2) he doesn't get compliments in his 'environment'
3) he trains in Aikido
4) he runs
5) he doesn't appear to work normal hours
We can cross off policeman, bouncer and bodyguard as he has already denied being one of these. I have discussed these clues at length with a friend and we have come up with:
1) a spy in the MI5
2) works on an oil rig
3) urban hygienist
4) cage fighter
5) a magician in the magic circle
6) a lottery winner
It's probably none of the above but I only have until Monday to find out! He is coming to me from quite far away and taking me out for a meal. Should be interesting and I am really looking forward to it. He has intrigued me.
But, there is second guy...I've been proactive this weekend! I first chatted to him online a couple of weeks ago and he has been pestering me for a date ever since. Today I relented and texted him to tell him I was up for it.
He is scottish, plays golf and competes in triathlon. Sounds fit. I like that. Quite hard to understand on the phone, I struggled with his accent. Very broad considering he has lived in the south for some years, but I don't mind it. I'm used to a dodgy accent, I have an irish mother!
I've arranged to meet this guy tomorrow evening for a drink. He is a bit older than me but I like his style and he sounds like a deep conversationalist, which floats my boat totally.
So, two days. two dates. I've doubled the dose for extra relief..
Tuesday, 15 June 2010
Curb your enthusiasm
Another man who hasn't thought things through properly, is Omaco.
He begins by saying that he has one word for me, and that word is that I am cute. I count that as four words but will graciously accept the compliment. Worringly, he then goes on to say that he would like me as his 'forever life partner'...(as opposed to 'temporary life partner')..without ever meeting me, or speaking to me...in fact, this is his first message!!!
Woah there Omaco. Let's take things slowly. So slow, that you are unable to see it with the human eye....
Monday, 14 June 2010
I said 'wink'..
After a long couple of weeks, with my dad visiting being the only real man news, I noticed I had received a 'wink' from someone online.
As I explained to a friend today, who thought winking was a waste of time, there is no better ice-breaker than the faithful wink...hmmm, I have to watch my typing here. One wrong letter could turn an innocent wink into something...much less innocent!!
I never make first moves in online dating. I always let the man do it. He can send me a message, or he can 'wink' at me. I get notification of the wink and can view their profile.
Winking Etiquette
1) They wink at me
2) I look at their profile
3) If they are ugly stick victims I ignore them
4) If I like them I wink back
5) They (normally) then send a message
My 'winker' (I know it's tempting) is an Essex local. The same age as me. He has hair and it looks tidy. He has a professional job. I looked closer at his photo album...the result was PHWOAR!!! I realised quite quickly, that this is actually the man of my dreams.
So, I winked back at him immediately. Then thought that maybe the wink should be backed up by a private message. Just incase he gets a hundred winks from desperate ladies (i'm not including myself in that, thank you).
I thanked him for sending me a wink and told him I had taken the time to peruse his profile and couldn't help but notice that he was quite hot...
Let's see what happens.
As I explained to a friend today, who thought winking was a waste of time, there is no better ice-breaker than the faithful wink...hmmm, I have to watch my typing here. One wrong letter could turn an innocent wink into something...much less innocent!!
I never make first moves in online dating. I always let the man do it. He can send me a message, or he can 'wink' at me. I get notification of the wink and can view their profile.
Winking Etiquette
1) They wink at me
2) I look at their profile
3) If they are ugly stick victims I ignore them
4) If I like them I wink back
5) They (normally) then send a message
My 'winker' (I know it's tempting) is an Essex local. The same age as me. He has hair and it looks tidy. He has a professional job. I looked closer at his photo album...the result was PHWOAR!!! I realised quite quickly, that this is actually the man of my dreams.
So, I winked back at him immediately. Then thought that maybe the wink should be backed up by a private message. Just incase he gets a hundred winks from desperate ladies (i'm not including myself in that, thank you).
I thanked him for sending me a wink and told him I had taken the time to peruse his profile and couldn't help but notice that he was quite hot...
Let's see what happens.
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